1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize