He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
