soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
