Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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