we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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