So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
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i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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