I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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