i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
