actually, I'm a sock model
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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