Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
