sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
