so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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