there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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