She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
