Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
this hospital has no fireball
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
