i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
