i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
