I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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