my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
