Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
