Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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