my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
