Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
