This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
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I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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