i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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