I got chris browned last night
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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