trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
