Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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