Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
