That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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