i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
