Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize