I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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