There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
