So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
