we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
