It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
