I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
