Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
