DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
