ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
