I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize