The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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