Got a toothbrush?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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