To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
