You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
