I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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