Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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