I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
