Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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