my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I AM VODKA MAN
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
