Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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