I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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