I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
