so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
