I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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