Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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