I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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