I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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