I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize