Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
