Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
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Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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