so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
