I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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