WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
