If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
