Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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