FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
